This writing is prompted by a recent comment I saw on a young lady’s photo. “mmm…I want!” It was two simple words, and far from the most offensive thing I’ve ever seen written. Nonetheless, it got me thinking…
My wife and I share our photos and stories with the intent of helping loving couples make their own enjoyable moments. Obviously not all readers will have a current significant other, and that is fine. We hope they take this time to learn about themselves and ponder how they might want to incorporate their current interests into future relationships. However, I’ve learned that this is not necessarily the way all people process the sexy images and stories they read online. One such way they may approach their internet exploration is with a covetous heart, and that is what I want to address today.
There is a big difference between having thoughts of “Wow that girl/guy is really sexy like that!” in contrast to “I really want that person I’m viewing. I wish I was with them/fucking them/tying them up.” It is often believed that if someone posts sexually arousing photos/videos they are inviting us to crave them. It is believed that because they are sexually expressive, we are allowed to think of using that person for our own sexual pleasure in whatever devious ways we can imagine. It is my firm belief that a) most people do not desire this reaction from the viewer, and b) even if they did, it is not in the best interest of the viewer to have such thoughts.
The first possible damage is a state of discontent. Desiring someone who is not ours can only lead to dissatisfaction with our current circumstances. This is even more saddening if we are in a current relationship; It seems quite likely that desiring these fictional internet submissives would ultimately lead to distancing ourselves from our current partner. It may be fine to have appreciation for a model’s beauty or thoughts of “I’d like to experience similar things someday”, but if we cross the line and begin having constant thoughts of “I want!” “I need!” “I wish I had that!”, we will only bring pain into our own lives. A more beneficial attitude is one that focuses on the positives: being grateful that there are people producing such works and sharing them with the world, and being happy that these people have found someone to love and experience BDSM with.
The other damage covetous hearts may bring is in the form of disrespect for the models and their partners. While models (amateur or professional) are choosing to expose themselves to the world and are acting under freewill, it does not mean this isn’t a very vulnerable experience for them. Choosing to instantly desire these people, merely because of their sexual expression, is dehumanizing. It may be confusing to some: this person has chosen to post an image, often of them being sexually objectified (as is common in BDSM), but they are being objectified by a specific person whom they’ve chosen. It is because of this consensual arrangement to be objectified that it is not okay for all of us to objectify these individuals. It is disrespectful both to the submissive, and to the one they’ve given control to, if we sit back and pretend we were given this privilege, to pretend we can treat this person however we want and think whatever thoughts we want about them. We have not been given permission to treat them as sexual objects, and because of this, should not.
Now it is very possible that the quote at the top wasn’t intended to be literal. Maybe this man didn’t actually want to have this young lady, and he was just poor at choosing the correct words. Appreciation of someone’s beauty, creativity, ability to arouse, etc. is, at its core, a good thing. Let us make sure that our thoughts and comments express these loving attitudes, and not damaging attitudes of covetousness.
(You may notice the use of the pronouns “we”, “us”, and “ours”. I write this way to address people as a whole, including myself. We all struggle to have perfectly pure and loving thoughts.)